done

I finished the last part of my long, drawn-out master's exam process yesterday afternoon. It was my oral exam / defense with my entire committee, with impromptu questions about all my papers and exam questions. I was nervous as ALL GET OUT. I used to get crazy public speaking anxiety, but after YEARS of learning to deal with it in school, job interviews, dance recitals, and orchestra solos, I've gotten it handled to some degree. But this was a whole new animal, a whole different kind of nerve-wracking, panic-inducing situation. But I didn't throw up and I even made actual real sentences in English, and somehow, I passed.

My committee was incredibly gracious. I could tell they were intentionally asking me questions that they knew I could handle, and based on my work and classes with them. I still flubbed like crazy and got stuck, but when I did, one of them would pipe up with a prompt from something we'd read or something I had, ahem, just written in my exam. So, major props to them for that.

Not so much props: the night before my exam, my committee chair sent me a 3-pg email about how to prepare for the exam, including what to wear, and how the whole thing would run. It would have been incredibly helpful and calming to my frazzled self, except that I got it only that morning, so it freaked me out. And then, around 11 am one of my other committee members wrote to say he did not receive copies of my exam papers...which meant he hadn't read them at all yet, even though I turned them in three weeks ago. (He's sort of notorious for this sort of thing. I was told to expect him to not have read at all.) Not my fault, and ultimately it didn't matter but it still stressed me out.

So, I wasn't in the best place mentally, but I tried my hardest and despite some super boneheaded errors in my answers, they were gracious enough to pass me, and they all shook my hand and said, "Congratulations, you're graduated!" (literally), which was surreal and bizarre because when I walked into the room, I was just a stressed out grad student and when I walked home after my exam....I wasn't. And I guess I'm not now, since technically I'm done, and nothing else "official" happens before I get my degree.

It's just weird.

In a good way, of course, but also sort of too surreal to process.

So now I'm basking in this feeling of complete-ness that doesn't come along too often. I'm slowly returning my 40+ library books, one bagful at a time, and of course, job searching like a fiend. I've sent off what feels like a ton of applications and haven't heard from anyone yet. (WHY DO THEY POST JOBS THAT THEY DONT PLAN ON STAFFING UNTIL 3 MONTHS FROM NOW?) so frustrating. But I'm not worried because it's Friday afternoon and about 80 degrees outside and even though I'm at work, I don't have to take another oral exam for as long as I live, and that's a good thing.