My *real* top 25

Because I'm obsessive like that.

1. I hate the way people in Seattle dress. Loathe. Frizzy hair, hairy legs, "sporty" business wear, sensible shoes, color palettes consisting of only black, grey, olive, and orange, everyone "looks like they're about to climb a big, wet mountain" (Seth's quote). It makes me miss the high hair and impractical stilettos and rhinestones of the south.

2. I think about dying, a lot. I've been obsessed for as long as I can remember. I think religion only exists because people don't know how to handle thinking about their own death. And we're too self-important not to. Participating in religion makes me feel like I'm participating in an exercise of self-indulgence, so I've never liked it. Sex, shopping, alcohol, and tv do the same thing, but are much more satisfying.

So, 3. I'm too selfish to ever really "find" religion, or satisfaction in religion. I think this will change when I get older/have kids/undergo life tragedy. Because death will become less abstract.

4. When someone hurts me, there is about a 50% chance I will forgive them, but a 95% chance that I'll never get over it.

5. Everyone I know is smarter than me. But I've figured out how to make up for it by becoming more capable at more things than most people.

6. I want to have a penis for 24 hours. It's been a fantasy of mine since I was like, 15.

7. If I could have any superpower, it would be to be able to go into people's dreams and muck around.

8. Grad school has pushed me to every conceivable limit to see who I am as a person. The good, bad, and very very ugly. It's also shown me that until this point I have been incredibly comfortable.

9. I wish I had been friendlier to people in college and high school. Well, mostly college. Hindsight is always 20/20 right?

10. I gossip because I care.

11. If I go too long without sex, I have sex dreams constantly. Lately I'm having dreams about being at parties with my friends and having funny conversations, which is even sadder. Dream conversation: Patrick Cole: "Cole Campbell? Fuck that guy. He sucks so much his email address is heehaw@suck.lesbian.com" I laughed myself awake.

12. I hate when people say, "Everything happens for a reason." That's like, the laziest and least helpful thing to tell someone, ever. And hearing it used to make me feel better until I realized that, and that people use it for everything.

13. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to get a job in 5 months.

14. I have anxiety issues and should probably be on medication, but Rx drugs scare the shit out of me since I know so many people with addiction problems, most of whom are in my family, and you know that stuff's genetic.

15. I'm entirely too old to still not know how to properly fix my hair.

16. I am exactly like both of my parents, and have an exact mix of their good and bad qualities. When they argue I think they're both right and wrong. It's weirdly comforting.

17. I used to think that I was incredibly indecisive, but now I think I'm just extremely moderate. It's hard for me to make strong statements about my opinions which makes writing papers really hard, and I think I should get points for being diplomatic and thoughtful.

18. ...but in real life, I believe with absolute conviction and certainty in every emotion I have while I'm having it. I can't see both sides until I cool off.

19. I fucking love TV and I hate when people talk about it disdainfully. (I mean, there are bad shows, but TV itself is not the issue...Ex: Grey's Anatomy = teh suck. Don't judge it all by that.)

20. Ditto for fast food.

21. I have never seen 2 Girls 1 Cup. And I don't think it makes you cool to talk about it.

22. I gossip because I'm probably jealous of you. (But not likely)

23. babies = not cute.

24. puppies = always cute.

25. I'm going to lose 30 fucking lbs. after I graduate if it kills me. Joke. I mean, if it's really really easy.